YOU, by Nicky P

I never knew why you hated me so
To look at me and decide I would be the one
You would target
I didn’t realize what you were doing
Until you had your claws into all of them
Changing their minds, their ideas
You were already too far gone
It all started when we were spinning
She fell and I went to help her
You accused me of pulling her hair
And that’s the day it began
You sneered and snarled
Everything was my fault
If you fell
drew a bad picture
made a bad joke
laughed and no one else did
tripped while skipping
missed in dodgeball
struck out in baseball
You spun and snarled
Blaming it on me.
I tried to fight back
But I had no idea what you were doing
I was so innocent
I didn’t know what to do
Turned to my parents
To my teachers
To the principal
To my friends
But your claws were in too deep.
My mother called me melodramatic
Told me not to be so pessimistic.
The teachers said I was being intolerant
Told me to be more understanding of others
My friends simply made excuses
And walked away.
Then you convinced them I was bullying you
And suddenly
In three weeks
I went from having friends all around me
Family at my back
Teachers smiling at me
To no one around me
No one at my back
Everyone avoiding my eyes.
You took it all away.
My friends.
My trust.
My innocence.
Every shred of the veil that hid the horrors of the world
You stole it
Tore it
Burned it before my eyes
I hid
I came home every night and cried
Until my pillow was wet with tears.
Spring, Autumn, Winter.
As the seasons wore on
I turned inward more and more.
As the leaves fell
I hid
As the rain pelted down
I cried
As the cold days began to get warmer
I lost all hope it would ever change.
You stupid girl
You had me right where you wanted me
Then you got too confident
I knew the day my teacher saw you
It was the beginning of the end.
You, me, a classmate and my best friend
Were playing a game
Stupid game.
I worshipped my friend
She was the sun
My whole universe revolved around her.
When I grew up
I wanted to be just like her.
The game our class invented
Was so ridiculous
But what do you expect from eleven year olds?
We tied each other to poles
And the polee had fifteen minutes to free themselves
If they didn’t
They lost
If they did
They won.
I lost more than the game that day.
The classmate got uncomfortable
But rather than stay and help
Ran like everyone else.
Then you smiled
Sneered at me
As I asked to be untied
Fifteen minutes was up
And the game had been lost.
Then you and my friend
My queen
And said no.
You stuffed grass in my mouth
Laughed as tears streamed down my face
Then left me tied there when the bell rang.
The classmate appeared when you left
Untied me
Then quietly walked me back to class.
Went to explain to the teacher
But she already knew
Had seen the whole thing.
You vile creature
Manipulative beast
You even got away with that.
My friend was blamed
She apologized
The only time she ever said sorry
But it didn’t matter.
She has no idea what she really did that day.
But you did.
Summer came
The sun came out
And so did the truth
All the girls gathered around that wondrous table
While I cried
So hurt
But so happy it was over.
But it wasn’t.
There are no words for you
Who never left a visible wound
But left me empty inside.
Five years later
Five long years of tucking it away
Trying to forget
Trying to make it all go away
You still make me cry
Still make me hurt
Still make me unable to trust anyone
You made me what I am today
A girl with a mask
Who has to be perfect
So no one ever has the excuse to run away again
Never leaves me
Terrified that she’ll be alone
Terrified it’ll happen all over again.
Who sits in my classes
Who I can’t even be mad at
Because we made up so long ago.
I’m not angry at you.
Not angry at the fallen Queen
Not angry at my teachers
My so called friends
My classmates
My Mum
But who does that leave?
Why did you have to do it
What reason did you have to rip me apart
Chew me up and spit me out
Then set my remains on fire
Laughing as I burned.
What you did
Still affects me after five years
Why can’t I just let it go?
Black Pearl
You won in the end.
Your prize?
My happiness and innocence.


~You, by Nicky P
“I wrote the poem about an experience I had when I was ten or eleven. A girl we’ll call ‘Pearl’ turned everyone I knew against me. My friends thought I was the bully, my teachers thought I was being intolerant and my parents thought I was over dramatising the situation. It’s been six years now and it still affects me, I have anxiety and depression because of what she did. Luckily, about a year after it started everything came to light and everyone knows the truth now. Pearl and I made up, and I see her quite a lot around school (we have some of the same friends) and are able to be completely civil around each other. I think she’s put that all behind her (I certainly hope so) and i’ve forgiven her for what happened. I spent a long time getting over it – hell, I still am, but I’m getting there thanks to support from my family and friends.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s