When did I stop being beautiful? As a child I looked at my mom and she was the world to me. Her beautiful smile, sparkling eyes, warm laugh. This was the most beautiful thing in the world to me. She told me how beautiful I was all the time. I believed her; I knew I was beautiful in her eyes. I was her beautiful daughter and the most precious thing in life. As school-age began and children were cruel, I found another world out there. I was not in the comfort of my mother’s arms anymore. Yes, she was there each night to kiss away the hurt feelings and tell me that I am the most beautiful thing in her eyes. When I went to school, I was told the opposite. Confusion set in and I started listening to everyone around me.
After a while, I found that I felt better if I ate my feelings. I would come home and get the hugs and kisses from my mom and she would still tell me all the time how beautiful I am, but I also found comfort in food in addition to that. This only caused more torture, pain, and ugliness from the kids at school growing up, but I kept going.
By Jr High school I was a size 16 and gaining. Highschool I increased to a size 20. The whole time being bullied for being fat, ugly, and not worth anything. When dating, I would find guys that would say “You would not look bad, if only you weren’t fat.” Now that I am an adult, I have had my children and have gained to the point of almost death. My story is not about the sorrow, but the success. With my pregnancies, giving birth to twins, and having my eating addiction, I gained to the point of 430 lbs. All the bullying, past negativity from relationships, bullying from the kids growing up, all contributed to my over-eating disorder. However, 2 ½ years ago, I had bariatric surgery and have lost 164 lbs. I struggle every day to not overeat, to drink my water, and to stay focused on my health. Bariatric surgery and all that it comes with is not easy and contains a lot of rules that must be followed for the rest of that person’s life. However, I now am finding my beauty again. I realize now that I do not know why I have not been listening to my mom the entire time. I have always been the most beautiful thing to her in the world. I need to be that for myself and I now am finally starting to feel the same way. I am eternally grateful to my mom for always being there to show me the way. I have always been beautiful, but people around me have stolen small parts of it through the years. Now, I am choosing to get it back because I am beautiful.